


Skyward

by Arithese



Category: Shazam! (2019)
Genre: Billy Batson Needs a Hug, Billy is healing, Childhood Trauma, Family Feels, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loads of fluff though, PTSD, Panic Attack, Past Child Abuse, Trauma, they all do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 07:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20287459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arithese/pseuds/Arithese
Summary: The Vasquez family learns more about Billy's traumatic past and how it still affects him





	Skyward

**Author's Note:**

> "When you've had enough
> 
> You should rise above
> 
> And go skyward
> 
> With high force
> 
> They can't get you down
> 
> When you're off the ground"
> 
> -Davina Michelle

It was stupid, so incredibly stupid when looking back at it. A stupid argument that got out of hand, neither of them willing to back down from the argument. It didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t even important at all. But both Rosa and Victor were raising their voices, speaking louder and louder than the other. 

“Rosa I know what I’m doing!” Victor shouted, voice booming through the room. Rosa sighed. 

“But that’s the problem Victor, you don’t!” Rosa’s voice louder than usual. It was stupid, just a stupid argument that didn’t even matter. It wasn’t often that they argued, but it wasn’t the first time either. They had been together since they were 17 years old now, almost 20 years ago currently. 

They were bound to argue, like most couples would normally. And that didn’t mean anything, that didn’t make their love for each other any less. It was because of that love that they were arguing even, but that didn’t make the arguments any more tolerable, especially not for the rest of the family. 

Freddy had long left the room when they started arguing, getting up with a tired sigh, taking Darla and Eugene with him. 

“MOM!” The shout was drowned out by their own shouting, and Rosa could feel frustrating tears burn in her eyes. She just wanted Victor to be safe, couldn’t stand seeing him hurt, but he didn’t seem to understand _why_ she wanted to stop him, didn’t see how dangerous something could be. 

Pedro hadn’t even been in the living room when the arguing started.

“Rosa I’m not one of the kids, I can make my own decisions.” Victor snapped, throwing his arms up. He rubbed at his face, stalking through the room. He didn’t _want_ to argue with Rosa, he really didn’t, and yet he found himself going in hard. Rosa lets out a shout of frustration. 

She was about to respond when she was interrupted. “STOP!” Rosa whipped her head around at the shout from Mary, so fearful it almost made her sick to the stomach. She didn’t even expect the sight she was met with. Billy was curled up on the ground, partially hiding behind the couch. His face was barely visible behind his arms. 

But even from this distance Rosa could see the tears streaming down his face. 

“Dios mios, Billy!” Rosa shouted, running at Billy but she got to an abrupt stop when Billy whimpered loudly, scooting backwards, and hitting the wall. That only seemed to upset him further, causing him to cry even louder. His body wracked with sobs, breaths coming out in short gasps. 

“Billy?” Rosa asks, feeling her heart break at the sight. His eyes were wide with fear, as much as she could see them. He was desperately trying to hide his face, making himself as tiny as possible. Rosa gently tried to reach out, but Billy let out a loud whimper, shaking his head vigorously. 

_She was scaring him_. She realised, almost like that exact thought stabbed her physically. 

She whips her head around, suddenly feeling so helplessly. She had _no_ idea what to do right now, not when Billy refused to let her come close. She knew what this was, she knew Billy was having a panic attack, a pretty bad one as well. She could see Victor staring behind her, looking as lost as he felt. 

Mary was slowly backing off, walking to both Eugene and Darla, who were now standing there with fear and confusion in their eyes. 

Rosa turned back to Billy. _What had caused this? _“Billy you’re having a panic attack, I need you to take some deep breaths.” Rosa murmurs softly, trying to keep her voice soft, unthreatening. But he only seemed to flinch at her voice, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Pedro please turn off the lights.” Rosa could hear Victor command, but Rosa glances up as she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Darla walked past her, sinking to her knees in front of Billy’s form. He eyed at her with fear, and suddenly something struck Rosa, and she felt as if her body suddenly froze. 

Because Billy… Billy was afraid, but not of Darla. It was a general fear… and he was afraid of _her_. Billy wasn’t just afraid of all of them, Rosa swallowed thickly, he was scared because of _her_. Rosa didn’t think she ever felt so much hurt as now, the knowledge that her son feared her specifically. 

Darla carefully crawled towards Billy, nudging herself between his arms and his body, a steady weight against him. Billy’s eyes widened, and he dropped his arms hesitantly from in front of his face, instead allowing them to settle on Darla’s back. 

“You’re gonna be okay big brother.” Darla whispered softly, and Billy tightened his arms around Darla’s form. And then Rosa heard something that she didn’t think she’d ever hear again, Darla started singing, or maybe murmuring, _that_ song to Billy, her voice soft and slightly unsteady. 

it was a song Rosa wasn’t even allowed to sing, nobody in the house was, because it was the song Darla’s biological parents used to sing to her… before they grew tired of her. It was a song that was just for her, for her to listen to when she was sad, and for her to endure, because it reminded her of a good time. 

But it also reminded her of the fact that her parents left her. 

The only reason Rosa, and the rest, knew about the song was because Darla hadn’t been able to find it herself, when she really wanted to. And because they had to know that the song was off-limits. Darla had only sung the song twice now, and not even Mary leaving them was enough to warrant it. 

For Darla to be singing it right now, to calm Billy.... 

Rosa could feel a lump stuck in her throat as Darla continued to sing gently, and she could see Billy’s breathing evening out just slightly. His forehead was now pressed against the top of Darla’s head, and he was curled around her, Darla still bundled up in his arms, keeping him grounded. 

“Billy?” Darla asks softly after what felt like hours but couldn’t have been more than 15 minutes, and Billy hesitantly blinks his eyes open, staring back at Darla’s bright eyes. “Is it over?” She asks, and Billy frowns slightly. 

“I-..” He starts but he snaps his mouth shut. He brings a free hand to his face, trying to wipe away his tears but his hands were still shaking violently. Darla smiles despite the situation, helping him brush away the tears. 

“You can cry Billy, momma says it’s natural for us to do.” She states, and Billy can feel a laugh bubbling in his throat. A tiny smile appears on his face. 

“Thank you.” He whispers, and Darla beams, crawling out from Billy’s hold. The older boy almost felt empty, shivering from the sudden cold, but before he could comment on it, someone handed him a blanket. He glances up, staring at Freddy’s face, filled with worry. 

“Hyperventilation causes your blood to flow less effectively, you’re probably freezing.” Freddy says in a low voice that was lacking the usual enthusiasm, _and he was freezing_. He could feel tremors runs through his system, but he wasn’t sure if that was from the cold or just the aftermath of.. _whatever_ that was really. 

But even though he was freezing, he couldn’t muster the energy to extent his arms. They were almost numb, as if someone had frozen the insides. They felt heavy, and the only way he could describe it was how his body felt after running from cops, or other street kids that wanted to rough him up. 

_And yet it felt so much worse than that_. 

Mary seemed to be the one to understand, stepping forwards and gently helping him sit upwards before wrapping the blanket around him, tugging the blanket tight around him. He didn’t have the energy to grab the fabric himself, and his hands shook under it, luckily now hidden from view. 

“Don’t be embarrassed about it, even though I know it’s easy.” Mary says, helping him up. And really, he needed her support, because his legs felt worse than his arms, and he almost collapsed. And he would’ve if it hadn’t been for Mary holding him up. She gently directed him towards the couch, both sitting down. 

“Mom, can you get some water?” Mary asks, and Rosa nods reluctantly, leaving the room for a moment. Mary glances at Darla, smiling softly to assure him. “I think Billy needs some space now, how about you go pick out a movie to watch with the rest in a moment?” She says, and Darla glances at him for a moment. 

“Get well soon big brother.” She says, turning to Freddy instead. “You have to help me pick out a movie.” She states, reaching for Freddy’s hand and pulling him away. Mary exchanged some quick looks with the rest, but Pedro and Eugene left as well, walking after the other two siblings. 

Rosa quickly came back with a glass, but just as Billy was about to reach for it, Rosa gave it to Mary instead. It was then that Billy realised Rosa _wouldn’t _meet his eyes, and for a moment he could feel his stomach turn violently. 

“Mom?” He asks, feeling tears burn in his eyes suddenly. Rosa on the other hand burst into tears, putting a shaky hand in front of her mouth. 

“I know you’re scared of me, mi amor.. I just thought-” Rosa sobbed, and Billy’s eyes widened. “I just thought you didn’t want me-”

“Mom, no.” Billy croaked.

“You flinched from me Billy, and not from Darla… and I don’t blame you for that, but I know you were scared of me. I’ll just-” 

“Mom.” Billy interrupts her, feeling his head swirl dangerously. He still didn’t seem to get enough oxygen in his system, but he pushed the feeling down. “I’m not scared of you, please.” Billy extended his arm, and Rosa only had to sob harder at the way it shook as he reached out. 

But the message was clear, and she hesitantly walked over to him, sitting on the other side. 

“Then what happened?” She whispers. There was no judgement in her voice, just raw concern and curiosity. Billy glances away, looking ashamed. 

“You were screaming.. that scared me, not you.” Billy hastily added the last part, glancing at Rosa with a sincere expression. Rosa’s face falls, and understanding dawns down on her. 

“Billy did you think we were going to hurt you?” She asks hesitantly, and Rosa truly had no idea how she felt when he shook his head. 

“I know you won't.” He whispers, and Rosa felt a small sense of relief course through her. “But others used to.” And dread seemed to replace that relief. Realistically she knew… she knew that Billy was abused, or at least, there was a high possibility of that happening, and there were enough hints already. 

But hearing it was something else entirely. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” That seemed to be the wrong thing to say as Billy’s face hardened, and he frowned. 

“No.” He states, and for a moment it was silent, before Billy takes a hesitant breath. “At least… not now.” Billy mutters, glancing down. 

“We can find someone you can talk to, if you want that.” Billy doesn’t look up at the request, and stays silent. Rosa hesitantly reaches out, his hand shook between hers, and he looked visibly exhausted. “Only if you want to Billy, but we aren’t going to think any les of you if you do. There’s no shame in asking for help.” 

“Can I think about it? I just… I feel tired right now.” Rosa’s face softened at his request, and she nods, stroking the side of his face quickly. 

“Of course sweetie, do you think you’re up for a movie?” Rosa asks, and Billy nods. 

“Can you stay?” He whispers, and this time it was Rosa who nodded. A small sense of relief seemed to envelop Billy, and he laid his head on Rosa’s shoulder, eyes dropping slightly. Rosa wrapped her arm around Billy, and he only seemed to melt into her side even more, which made her smile slightly. 

He was still slightly trembling against her, and she could basically feel how much tension there was on his muscles, but she knew that this was normal, and that it would take maybe hours for Billy to really recover from the attack he just had. 

All Rosa could do was be there for him. 

*

*

*

Billy was a natural. 

At least, that’s what his teacher had said the first day Victor went to pick up Billy. He was so enthusiastic about Billy, and also so kind. Billy, who had actually been really nervous beforehand, was smiling as well, and seemed comfortable around his guitar teacher, which made Victor smile broadly. 

“And I’m not just saying this to make you feel good Billy, I’ve truly rarely seen anyone pick up those chords like that. It seems you really like music huh?” Billy nods, feeling a slight pang in his heart at the sentence, but he didn’t dare say anything. Victor seemed to notice his behaviour, but neither did he say anything. 

Not because he didn’t care, but because he cared enough to know Billy would talk if he was ready. 

it was 2 days later that he talked, but it wasn’t to Victor, or to Rosa, but to his psychiatrist. They had found one that Billy immediately seemed to trust for some reason. She was young, a little quirky but also tough, and got to the point. Billy could admire that, not someone who bullshitted around him. 

Not someone who had to walk on eggshells. 

He talked about that one foster home where he had liked it, where the dad played guitar, and had taught him for a few days… until some people he met on the streets came looking for a fight. He had pissed them off by stealing food from them, but it was that or starve, it was still winter when he did. 

Point was, when the dad saw his face, he was sent away. Not because of him, but because the man didn’t want those kids targeting his other kids in return. At least, that’s what his psychiatrist, Marianne, has told him. He didn't know yet whether he truly believed her, but so far, she hadn’t lied to him. 

He found himself overwhelmed with the structure in his life suddenly. He rarely took school seriously before coming to the Vasquez family, and right now he suddenly did. Because for once, his goal wasn’t to find his family, it was to make his family proud. And slowly he realised.. he didn’t just do it for his family. 

He did it for himself as well. 

But it was hard, to fall into that steady rhythm, when he also had guitar lessons once a week, and he talked to Marianne 2 times a week. And yet, it was also coupled by the sudden _loss_ of purpose in his life, where he didn’t have to find his mom again, which had left him strangely empty. 

“Billy?” Darla softly asks, standing in the door opening. Billy glances up at her, and he could immediately see something was wrong. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, setting the guitar aside. He hadn’t even noticed her coming in, but he also knew that it had to be bad for her to do so. His family _knew_ he hated performing in front of an audience, even if that audience was his family. He eventually found himself comfortable to play in the same home, knowing they’d hear him. 

But never in front of them. 

There were tears in Darla’s eyes, and she looked really small, and suddenly Billy realised just how _young_ she actually was. It wasn’t like she didn’t act her age, but she had always been a bundle of laughter and energy, seeing her so vulnerable was hurting him as well, and Darla slowly walked over to him. 

The door carefully fell shut behind her, and Billy could see her wince slightly at the sound. Darla didn’t say anything else, silently climbing on top of Billy’s lap and settling there. Billy’s breath hitched for a second, blinking down at his little sister. 

“Do you… want to talk about it?” He asks softly, but Darla just puts her head on his shoulder, sitting sideways on his lap. That was enough for Billy to understand, Darla had _no_ intention of talking right now, she just needed to be with someone right now, which wasn’t new for the little girl. 

Even if she didn’t often get like this. 

Billy doesn’t say anything either, and he hesitated for just a silent minute before he gently reached for his guitar again. Darla watched almost warily as he set it in front of him, Darla between him and his guitar. He had to hold his guitar a little awkwardly because of it, but he was able to hold both. 

Darla doesn’t question it, and slowly Billy starts playing. He tries to block out that Darla was sitting on the same room, tries to push down his embarrassment or the way his cheeks were heating up. He allowed his fingers to move on their own, not thinking too much about it, or anything around him. 

His little sister closes her eyes, silently listening to his music, and slowly Billy could feel himself smile, and he slowly continued to play. 

Until Darla’s breathing slowly evened out, and she fully relaxed in his hold, and yet… he continued to play softly, a content yet shallow smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to ItsyBitsyBatsySpider who (unknowingly) helped me with this story! I hope I did it justice, but as I never experienced a panic attack I don't think I ever can.  
Tips or feedback are always welcome!


End file.
